Here it is, friends! Today’s post is that last of the Modesty Matters series, and I’m excited to wrap things up with this post on a very important topic for Christian women.
First, let’s recap. The first post, Introducing a new series: Modesty Matters, covered some background on modesty, and presented the thought that modesty is really about being honorable. The next three posts covered who is honored through modesty: God, others, and ourselves. Today I want to share some of the things I try to keep in mind while choosing my clothes so that I can be modest and honorable in my attire.
Let me first say that I am not the authority on modesty, and I always want to have a humble and teachable heart so that I can grow in this area, and every other area of the Christian walk. These choices are where the Lord has led our family, and I hope that something I share will be helpful to you. If you think I missed something important, make sure to comment and share your thoughts! And remember, you can still show your personal style while dressing modestly. I like thrift store cardigans and fun color combinations. You might prefer collared shirts and floral prints. Either one or something different can still be done modestly!
Long skirts and dresses
It’s been about 10 years since I’ve put on a pair of pants, and I honestly don’t miss them. At first I couldn’t understand why it was important to my husband (boyfriend at the time) for me to wear long skirts, but then one day I paid attention to something that made it very clear in my mind. He mentioned how women’s pants fit around a woman’s form, sometimes leaving little to the imagination as she moves about her business. I spent the next few days on my college campus watching from behind as women in their snug jeans and shorts walked. I completely understood then. I now choose long, loose skirts so that a man can walk directly behind me and not see so much of my figure.
Some may ask, “How long is long?” I’m not going to get out a ruler. Here’s how I judge it. The Bible makes several references to showing the thighs as showing nakedness (see Exodus 28:42 for one such example), so I choose skirts that are well past my knees so that when I sit down, I’m still covered. I am most comfortable in skirts that are midcalf or lower. I also avoid skirts with slits because I don’t like the peek-a-boo effect it gives with my legs. Some slits also come up way to high, and completely ruin any attempt at modesty.
Sleeved tops that cover
When it comes to tops, there are quite a few things I like to keep in mind. First, I prefer wearing shirts with sleeves so that undergarments can stay hidden. It’s too easy for part of a bra to show when a shirt doesn’t have sleeves, so I avoid tanks and sleeveless tops. How long should a sleeve be? Again, I’m not going to use a ruler. I like a regular short sleeve. When they start to get closer to a cap sleeve, I start to feel uncomfortable with the appearance of the top.
It can be challenging to find attractive tops that don’t have a low neckline, so I usually end up wearing an undershirt to keep my chest covered. One of my favorite tricks is wearing a tank top backwards under a low-cut shirt. The back of the tank provides nice coverage, while the lack of extra sleeves keeps me more comfortable. There have been times when I thought a neckline was high enough, and then while out and about, carrying a baby that likes to pull on my clothes, I realize that I should have played it safer. I try to keep that in mind when deciding if I need that backwards tank or extra t-shirt under my top. I also make sure to wear undershirts with white, light-colored, or thin tops (as well as slips under similar skirts) so that my undergarments don’t show.
I also like to make sure my shirt is long enough to either tuck in or leave plenty of overlap with my skirt so that I’m not showing my torso when I bend over or raise my arms. Thankfully, most shirts out right now do have that much going for them. When we’re out, I like to keep a shirt tucked in because I know that is a preference of my husband. The shirts with the elastic at the bottom are nice, too, because they have a tendency to stay in place and not migrate northward.
I usually wear something like this while at home during the day or on the weekend
Not too tight, not too loose
When I put something on, I want it to fit me, but not be too tight. This is generally something I have to watch out for with tops more than skirts, but occasionally a skirt will be cut in such a way that it becomes a bit too snug in certain areas. When deciding if a garment is appropriate or not, I look from the front and from the sides. If I can see the outline of my form a little too clearly, then I know that I need a bigger size or a few more weeks postpartum before I can wear that item again. A shirt could have a nice high neckline, but if I turn to the side and can see the outline of my chest, then I know to choose something more modest instead.
While it seems obvious that tight clothes make for immodest clothes, I’ve also found that garments which are too loose can cause problems, too. How so? When bending over or moving around, extra loose tops tend to drape away from the body, and in turn show skin and parts that were covered while standing. I’ve certainly been caught off guard with this while away from home and bending over to pick up a baby. When this has happened, I’ve spent the rest of my time being extra cautious to bend at the knees, and not the waist.
Humble carriage
No, I’m not talking about horses and wagons. What I mean by “humble carriage” is the desire to carry myself in a simple, humble way that doesn’t draw excess or inappropriate attention. It doesn’t mean that I hide in the shadows with my head down and face covered, either. I just mean being normal. I want to carry myself in a way that reflects meekness, kindness, genuineness, and humility. I don’t want to strut around like a rooster pretending to be someone important, or saunter around like a runway model trapped in decent clothing.
When in doubt, ask!
Many, many times I have asked my husband for his opinion on something I’m wearing. I am blessed to be able to ask my godly husband for his advice on a particular clothing item, and I value his input tremendously! Those of you who are not in such a situation might look to a godly mentor or friend for another opinion on an article of clothing that you’re just not quite sure on. I’ve found it is much better to ask someone about something I’m wearing and questioning rather than assume it’s fine and realize while away from home that it wasn’t a good choice.
Do you have tips for staying modest in your clothing? Do you have questions with anything I’ve written? Make sure to comment and share your ideas!