I’m glad to be getting back to the Modesty Matters today! The last two posts in the series covered an introduction to modesty and how modesty helps us honor God. Today’s post is focused on how our modesty in dress and conduct honors others in our lives.
Just who does our personal modesty honor? While I’m inclined to think that I’m overlooking someone in my list, I’ve come to think that modesty honors our husbands (or future husbands for those unmarried), our Christian brothers in the Lord, other women (be they Christians or not), and our children. As the previous post in Modesty Matters included, I’d like to make sure to mention again that any discussion of Scripture is not intended to be instruction for male readers, but as a help to other Christian women.
How does modesty honor our husbands?
It is a well-established fact that men’s brains are wired differently from women’s. I don’t believe that is from an evolutionary, natural selection kind of process, but rather because of the design of God. Our husbands are designed to be physically attracted to the sight of us, their wives! That is a wonderful thing, and something that should be celebrated in a marriage.
However, when a woman dresses in tight or revealing clothing, she actually allows other men to see and respond to what was only intended for her husband, the one special man to whom she has pledged her life, or will someday pledge her life. On the flip side, when a woman dresses in a way that doesn’t expose her skin or flaunt her curves, she is keeping herself as the “garden inclosed” spoken of in Scripture (Song of Solomon 4:12) and kept just for her husband. Her husband can then feel honored, knowing that his wife keeps her beauty and her body just for him. I don’t believe that many husbands would appreciate it if other men were staring at their wives in inappropriate ways. We can do our part as women through modest dress, honoring our husbands and the sacred vow we made to keep ourselves just for them.
How does modesty honor our Christian brothers?
Jesus warned men that if they look on a woman and lust after her in their hearts, they have already committed adultery with her in God’s eyes (Matthew 5:28). This can be a great battle for our Christian brothers given all of the flesh that is displayed on billboards, screens, and sidewalks. They have no control over the natural response that goes off in their brains when a scantily-clad figure comes before their eyes, but it is their responsibility to keep their thoughts in check and not look again.
Knowing what a challenge this can be to brothers in the Lord, I feel a great responsibility on my end to make sure my clothing choices put no stumbling stone in their way. I don’t want to encourage anyone to sin in an area that is a greater temptation for them, as the Apostle Paul wrote about in 1 Corinthians 8. My goal is to dress in a way that isn’t visually stimulating to a man so that I’m doing all I can to keep my brothers from sinning. If the attention is on my face and off my figure, I am able to honor these men that are doing their best to keep their minds pure.
How does modesty honor other women?
I saw something on Facebook not too long ago that said something along the lines of “Dress in a way you’d like other women to dress around your husband.” I thought that was quite true! Whether another women cares about modesty or not, I know that I can show her honor and respect by dressing in a way that keeps her husband’s eyes off me, and kept on her. I don’t want the attention of another woman’s husband. Marriage is hard enough without the added challenge of wandering eyes. I want to see the marriages of others around me growing and flourishing, and if I dress in a way that causes another woman’s husband to look at me in the wrong way, I am not helping either of them.
How does modesty honor our children?
I want my daughters to grow up being confident that they are beautiful just as God made them. I want them to know that they don’t need padded undergarments, high heels, and plunging necklines in order to be pretty. I want them to be encouraged in saving all of their outward beauty for the one man who will cherish it, and not feel like they need to hand it out to some stranger on the street to get affirmation that they are something special. I want them to be certain that they are more than a set of curves. They are smart, capable, intelligent, and valuable.
I want my sons to grow up knowing that a woman is someone to protect, to love, and to serve. She is not an object that serves a purpose, but a unique individual with thoughts, dreams, ideas, and feelings. I want them to look for a woman of quality and character when it comes time for them to choose a wife, and not a woman with just passing physical beauty. I want them to think of a woman’s attractive form as something that is to be kept and cherished in marriage, and not something that is to be plastered on advertisements, magazines, and calendars.
Children learn best by example. God knows that my heart’s desire is to set a holy example for them so that my daughters know how to handle themselves as they become women, and so my sons know how to treat a lady. I want to honor them and their future by dressing modestly.
Mother and Sara Admiring the Baby by Mary Cassatt, from Wikipaintings
Can you think of others who can be honored through modest dress? I would love to hear your ideas!